Tally mark AU
by nightwish-shadowstalker
Summary: I'm back! Off hiatus! Not really, but kind of. This is a collection of one-shots that was based off a Tumblr post I saw a while back. Set not long before Into Darkness, in that the events of the first movie are back-referenced. Mostly triumvirate, one random ensign, and Chekov appears later on. Mcspirk warning - don't like don't read. There's also quite a bit of swearing.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Sort of off hiatus! Not really, but kind of.

This is a collection of one-shots (ish) that was based off a Tumblr post I saw a while back. It's a tally mark AU where every time someone falls in love, a red tally mark appears on their wrist.

The tally mark turns black if the love is requited, but when the love dies the tally mark becomes a scar.

1. imagine people who fall in love too easily covered in red tally marks

Jim isn't proud of the marks. He hates them. It's not like he can help it, is it? The way he feels is displayed on his arms for all to see.

He takes to wearing long-sleeved jackets at the Academy.

It's stupid, he thinks, I'm in my twenties, what the hell do I really know about love? It's lust, that's all it is. I'm not in love with all these people, I can't be. I'd go mad.

He tells himself this every day and tries to pretend that his heart is still whole and untouched and free.

He breaks a little more every day waiting for one of them to turn black.


	2. Chapter 2

2. someone who has one tally-mark scar and refuses to love again but gets another

Leonard isn't particularly proud of the marks either. Or in his case, mark. Singular.

The mark was still black not too long ago, even though she was leaving him for good and moving in with someone else. Younger guy. Inoffensive. Quiet. They put their problems down to stress at their respective demanding and underpaid jobs. Love was one thing, but living with someone day-to-day brought its own problems.

Sometimes, he thinks sadly, love does not conquer all.

After that, he moved away. Got another job, tried to bury himself in work.

He woke up in the middle of the night not six weeks after the final papers had been signed with a screaming pain in his left wrist and a dull knot of anxiety in his chest.

He rang Jocelyn's new number and got the new boyfriend.

"Leonard, I'm so sorry, there was nothing I could do, the other car didn't stop" –

He moves on again. Winds up in Starfleet, thinking he's got nowhere left to go but up.

Fucking aviaphobia. He gets forcibly seated next to a kid with a load of bar-brawl bruises and red tally marks peeking out from his sleeves. They share Leonard's hip-flask and swap names.

When he gets to his room, there's a single red mark on his wrist next to the scar. He hides it, hides them both, because he hates being marked out as someone who has lost a love and he doesn't want to think about who that other mark might relate to.

When a third one shows on his wrist the day before Jim takes his third Kobayashi Maru, he nearly punches a wall.


	3. Chapter 3

3. someone with no marks falling for someone who has fifty, and (almost) all fifty are scars

The new Engineering ensign isn't quite sure what to make of Captain Kirk. Yes, he's young and handsome and charming, but there's emptiness behind his eyes. The sort of look her mother might call a thousand-yard stare.

He looks right through her.

It takes her a few weeks to work out why. She's not on the bridge often, so she doesn't really see him all that much. When she does catch a glimpse, or a smile, it's something she treasures.

When she sees him working out, though, she understands his thousand-yard stare.

His forearms are covered in scars – tally-mark scars, not just injuries. These wounds will never fully heal. It saddens her that someone who loved so much seems to have lost everyone. She can't understand it, but when she's half-awake that night it falls into place.

Swathes of the graduating class were killed in the Narada incident in such a short time. So many lives. So many loves. All gone.

She never tells him she loves him.


	4. Chapter 4

4. someone with two tally marks that have both turned black

Jim wakes up that morning slightly late, looks at his wrist – which is burning, that's what woke him – and immediately swears and falls out of bed in surprise.

"Ow. Oh, for fuck's sake."

He untangles himself from the duvet, rubs the top of his head where it banged against the corner of his desk on the way down, and dives into the bathroom for a shower before his shift.

He looks at the marks in the shower, not really believing it. His wrist has stopped burning now, but the marks haven't washed away or faded. Not a prank or wishful thinking, then.

"Holy fuck," he mutters aloud. He's grinning. Elated, even.

Then it starts to slow down as his brain asks: hold on, smartass, which one do you choose?

He sighs. None of this is easy. At least he doesn't have to be afraid of being rejected; both of the marks are black, so both loves are requited.

He mutters a few more swearwords, and sends a short private comm to his two most senior officers asking them to meet him in the officer's mess. It'll be virtually deserted this time of day, so nobody should be listening in on them.

Before he hits send, though, he edits the messages slightly, asking for his First Officer at nine sharp and his CMO at nine-fifteen.


	5. Chapter 5

5. someone with two, one black and one red, and they don't know which is which

Spock wakes up that morning at his normal time, showers, gets dressed and reads the short private comm the captain has sent him.

_Can you meet me in the Officers mess at 0900 this morning? Thanks. Jim_

Interesting. Something important – to the captain, at least. Whether it is important by objective standards is another matter entirely. It is not one he wishes to contemplate at this time, the reason being that he has something to discuss with the captain that is also decidedly unimportant by most objective standards.

One of the two tally marks on his arm has turned black. The other has remained red, which saddens him a little. He observes the emotion briefly, discards it, and pushes it away.

He folds the bedclothes and walks to the Officer's mess hall, remaining calm and unemotional.

The second he sits down opposite Jim, the captain says, "Show me your wrist."

Spock obliges, pulling up his sleeve slightly, revealing the two lines.

Jim sighs quietly, almost sadly.

"Captain, is something wrong?"

Jim shoots him a look. "I've asked you to call me Jim when we're off-duty, Spock."

"My apologies… Jim."

"Thank you. And yes, something is wrong. It's not your fault." He swigs coffee and adds: "Can I ask who the other one is?"

When Spock remains silent, he says, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. If it upsets you."

"Such a reaction would be illogical," Spock replies quietly.

Jim smiles. "Such a reaction would be human, I think is what you meant." He glances up at the display on the wall and curses. "I don't want to say this the wrong way, but can you go on up to the bridge? I have to meet someone else here in" – he looks up at the display again – "less than three minutes."

"If they are on time, surely," Spock replies, but he's already standing.

Jim nods. "Plan for the worst, so they say. I'll speak to you after shift, my quarters, alright?"

Spock nods, walks out into the corridor, and narrowly misses Doctor McCoy going in the opposite direction from another lift.

Had he looked at his wrist, he might have observed a few thin threads of black in the red mark.


	6. Chapter 6

6. someone who has two tally marks, but one is much stronger than the other

"Jim, what is it? I'm kinda busy."

"Arm."

"What?"

"Show me your arm."

The doctor drew back immediately. "No. Jim, we've had this discussion before. Several times. You know what I've said. No."

"Bones, listen to me. I will not tell a soul. Just show me your arm."

McCoy muttered a few choice words and extended his arms, pulling the sleeve back slightly. The thin, dark scar tissue seemed old and faded next to the black tally mark. No, wait – _two_ black tally-marks. One was strong and clear; the other seemed… smaller, as if somehow weaker.

"You've got two as well," he said quietly.

McCoy glared at him. "Are you done? I have a load of red-shirts to stitch back together." He walked out without waiting for an answer.

Jim writes them both another message while he's on the bridge.

_Meet me after shift in my quarters. Jim_

"How long?" he asks, once both men are present.

"How long what? Listen, Jim, I just got out of surgery. All I want to do is sleep, for fuck's sake. I don't have time for head games tonight." Bones is glaring at him with his best get-the-fuck-on-with-it face.

Spock says nothing. He tilts his head slightly at Jim, nonverbally asking what is going on.

"How long have you two had the marks on your wrists?" he asks.

McCoy nearly explodes. "You swore you would tell no-one, you _bastard_."

"I didn't. No-one who didn't already know, anyway."

The doctor seems to deflate at that. His shoulders slump and he doesn't look at either of them, he just stares at the floor.

Spock frowns. "Captain" – he corrects himself – "Jim, I do not understand what you are referring to."

"Spock, you have two marks on your wrist. One of them is black. One of them is halfway between red and black."

"Jim, I believe you are – "

"Oh, just look at your arm," Jim snaps, cutting him off easily. "Look at yours. Then look at his."

Spock doesn't reply to that. He checks his own arm (one black, one red with a few thin threads of black, Jim was not lying) and then moves towards Doctor McCoy.

The doctor doesn't resist. He holds his arm out, but doesn't look up as Spock checks the inside of his wrist (one scar, old and faded, one clear black mark and one black mark that is much, much weaker).

Bones pulls his arm back. "Go on. Tell each other you're besotted. I'll let myself out."

Jim doesn't know who is more surprised when he and Spock pull the doctor back at the same moment.

He looks up at them then, and Jim is surprised (and somehow saddened) to realise that Bones is scared. He's afraid of this. It's the rabbit-in-the-headlights look.

What, Jim wonders, is he afraid of – the fact that he's in love, the fact that he's being forced to acknowledge it, or the fact that this is potentially polyamory?

Spock very lightly brushes the pads of his fingers over McCoy's knuckles. "I will wait."


	7. Chapter 7

7. someone happily married, nice single black tally mark, but then another one appears

Jocelyn rolls over, thumps the alarm clock and forces herself out of bed.

Shower. Fix her hair. Coffee. Dress. Cereal. Shoes. House keys. Shuttle pass. The only way to get through her morning routine is to reduce it to a list. It isn't healthy – it's a symptom of something she will not think about – but it works, for now.

Sitting in the shuttle on the way to work, she rubs idly at the single black tally mark on her right wrist. Just the one, for Leonard. Teenage sweethearts, stayed together through the stress of medical school and law school, and now married life is slowly tearing them apart.

She wonders how long it will be before he notices that they are falling.

Jocelyn rolls over, thumps the alarm clock and forces herself out of bed. Another mark has appeared – it was there last night, and it hasn't faded. It's red, stark against her pale skin.

She knows who it's for. She also knows it will never turn black. But it's an excuse.

She tells Leonard that evening that she wants a divorce. He turns to her with tears in his eyes, hugs her and says he knows and he understands.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.


	8. Chapter 8

8. someone lonely, colouring in their marks black, and one won't wash off later

"It's not fair," Pavel mutters quietly, looking at the four black marks on his wrist. "It's not fair."

He gave up on the principles-of-thermodynamics essay a while ago; it's boring, and he knows what grade he's going to get for it anyway. The professor doesn't like him. At first, he tried to change that; now he just doesn't care. He's only got this guy for a few more weeks and then it's someone new.

The marks aren't really black, he's only coloured them in. Just to pretend for a little while.

The first one was the worst. His mother laughed and told him it meant he was growing up; his little sister squealed and begged him to tell who it was for. He lied and said it was a girl he knew from advanced mathematics. It was half-true, but it wasn't a girl.

He still wasn't entirely sure why he hadn't told them the truth. Did he care what they thought of him? Yes, on some level at least; they were his family, of course he cared. Did that control him? Unlikely. Was he afraid? Probably.

He sighs internally, stands up and walks into the cramped bathroom. After the repeated application of hot water and soap, three of the four black lines have gone back to red. The fourth he scrubs until the surrounding skin is pink and raw, but it remains black.

The smile stays on his face all night.


	9. Chapter 9

4. someone with two tally marks that have both turned black

Jim wakes up that morning slightly late, looks at his wrist – which is burning, that's what woke him – and immediately swears and falls out of bed in surprise.

"Ow. Oh, for fuck's sake."

He untangles himself from the duvet, rubs the top of his head where it banged against the corner of his desk on the way down, and dives into the bathroom for a shower before his shift.

He looks at the marks in the shower, not really believing it. His wrist has stopped burning now, but the marks haven't washed away or faded. Not a prank or wishful thinking, then.

"Holy fuck," he mutters aloud. He's grinning. Elated, even.

Then it starts to slow down as his brain asks: hold on, smartass, which one do you choose?

He sighs. None of this is easy. At least he doesn't have to be afraid of being rejected; both of the marks are black, so both loves are requited.

He mutters a few more swearwords, and sends a short private comm to his two most senior officers asking them to meet him in the officer's mess. It'll be virtually deserted this time of day, so nobody should be listening in on them.

Before he hits send, though, he edits the messages slightly, asking for his First Officer at nine sharp and his CMO at nine-fifteen.


End file.
